My hand... steady. My hand does NOT shake. Ever.
Just so I never forget this line, it's here on this blog.
I was an intellectual little 4 year old. Thinking back to my state of mind then, its funny but I haven't changed much. Anyway I fell deeply in love with a girl named Kim in my nursery school class. At the end of what was to be my last day we played a game of: "name a fruit or vegetable and win a trip down the mini-slide. " I remember being last in line, and Kim was just in front of me. "Apple," she said, but the teacher would not let her pass. "What is his name," the teacher asked and pointed at me. Kim turned around looked at me. "joey!," she said with a laugh. It was an amazing feeling to be acknowledged by some one you feel powerfully drawn to.It surely hits home. But still hanging in the balance between too early and too late. Between too little and too much. Between right and wrong, between hope and despair.
That night I went home and thought to myself: "I've got to tell her how I feel. Nothing could be worse than to not at least try. (I was an intense little 4 year old!) It seemed at the very moment I had decided to tell Kim how I felt, my parents came into my room and told me that I wouldn't be going back to nursery school because they couldn't afford to keep me in. It was already too late. I was devistated.
I think this was one of the most profound events in shaping who I am. I turned to song to survive, without it I would be over run with the emotions I feel. I think that my music, my artistry, is an echo of this beautiful sadness that has haunted and inspired me for all my earthbound years.