Posted by prla1983 on June 08, 2008 • 0 commentsEmail This Post

The sun was shining high up in the sky, reflecting down equally in every one of the skyscraper's windows. Every year it gets hotter and it is anyone's guess where this will all end. Some say it will end for good and sooner than we might think. Right now, my only concern has nothing to do with global warming or how the world is coming to an end. My own world is already crumbling, tearing apart at the edges and saving it, for all it might mean, must take precedence over saving the world that is everyone's. I sit in a park bench, my clock telling me two minutes already past three and I try to gather the necessary strength not only to go inside but, more immediately, to get up on my feet. I'm still sitting down but my legs will surely feel little more consistent than a bowl of jelly. The fact of the matter is that all guilt bears heavily upon my shoulders and no one else should be blamed for my own actions and their dire consequences.
      In the vastness that a split second can entail when lived in such circumstances, fragments of childhood memories race through my mind. I remember when my mother used to prop me up early in the morning for going to school and then my father took me by the hand to the Honda and off we went until he would drop me at the school gate and a new day of adventure would begin. I've never been the brightest chaps in the groups I was involved in but then again not the one that always got picked last for the soccer teams. In fact, I was nicknamed Shadow for a reason. I didn't really like the spotlight and no one ever felt the need to point it at me, which suited me just fine. Only once did I ever really get in trouble and when a desk came apart and literally split in two and they traced it back to me. To this day I still don't know which fucked snitched me but the truth is I was bored and three hours in class seemed more than enough time to test my new swiss army knife and its multiplicity of tools. That the desk would suffer because of my new toy I regarded as simply an unfortunate side effect. I did a good job of maintaining the two halves up against each other and then in a precarious balance as I left the room, but I guess I couldn't expect it to stay that way for too long.
      I smile at those distant memories, almost feeling the surge of adrenaline I felt at the time as I admired the stupidity of what I had just done, but now they transport me back to the present, bringing my heart rate up by yet another beat or two. Because the task at hand is not something to feel too icy about. When it does, you are in serious trouble.

to be continued...